My daughter has been in and out of separation anxiety over the last few months. When she started daycare, separation anxiety started around the same time. Separation anxiety is usually periods of your little one being clingy, getting upset when you are out of sight, a strong preference for one particular parent, tears and tantrums when you leave them with others or at daycare, sleep resistance and calling for you at night. I want to reassure you that this is so common and perfectly normal. It doesn’t make a difference if you have been at home with your child 24/7 or he/she has been in daycare full time for the last 6 months – it still happens!
Separation anxiety can appear at any age, but parents usually notice it around 6-8 months of age. This is when your baby realises that you are two different people – during the earlier months they don’t quite understand this. They come to realise that they need you, you are there safety blanket, you are everything to them. This is all part of normal developmental changes.
Separation anxiety can happen at any time – it could be that your little one is adjusting to daycare, a house move, a new arrival of a sibling….YOU are their most trusted person who they feel safest with and yes any change in life they may come running to you.
Sleep disruptions can happen when your little one is going through a period of separation anxiety. Separation anxiety can also become worse if your little one is hungry, over tired or feeling ill.
A few tips to help with separation anxiety –
- Try to avoid any big changes during a period of separation anxiety (potty training, moving rooms or beds etc). If possible, wait until this period has passed.
- Introduce a comforter or, for older ones, something of yours to look after. This can help them feel connected to you when you are not around. For little ones who don’t have a favourite comforter you can let them choose which teddy to take to bed (this gives them some control over bedtime too).
- Encourage your child to have a close bond with family and friends.
- Make sure that you are keeping up their changing nap and sleep needs – is your little one napping longer than they need? If so, then this may cause problems with settling at bedtime.
- Spend 1:1 time with them as much as you can – during playtime you can give them your full attention and give them so much praise, cuddles and reassurance. This can be as simple as reading extra books together or taking some time to build a tower using lego. For older ones, let them lead the choice in activity.
- Make sure you look after YOU. Make sure you take a break if you can, this stage can be exhausting.
- Chill – it can be upsetting to see your little one distressed but we want to try and keep our emotions light and positive to help them know that there is nothing to worry about.
- Stick within your boundaries, try to not move your goal post with this not helping long term. Always respond with love, but sometimes that means lovingly returning them to bed if they get out, or sticking to the 2 stories not 4. You are not being mean to your child if sticking within your boundaries.
- Create quick and easy goodbye rituals – if you are dropping your little one off at daycare or popping out, make sure they know you have left, that you are coming back and you don’t linger or sneak off.
- Games of peekaboo are a great way of teaching baby that you always come back to them.
Love, patience and consistency is key and remember this stage in life is completely normal and remember – you are doing an amazing job!
If you would like to help your little one fall into a routine nicely then please contact myself 15 min free call or check out My Sleep Packages.
Happy Sleeping!
Stephanie x
